Procrastination nation.

If I can’t do something perfectly I won’t do it. If I have 6 hours, I’ll wait until the last 30 minutes before it’s due, but give me 10 minutes to do something, and I’ll do it well. I wish I weren’t like this, but alas.

Sometimes my brain feels like Patrick from Spongebob’s, inside there are just more mini versions of me that also have no clue what’s going on.

With mental health there are a lot of things I wish I could change about how my brain works, but I can’t. Lately, I’ve been trying to go with the current rather than against it, and through that, I developed some helpful tricks.

Endorphins

I am not calling exercise ‘exercise’ or workouts ‘workouts’ anymore. I’m calling them ‘endorphins’ to trick my brain into associating only positive feelings with movement. On my to-do list, which is another problem entirely, I’m writing ‘endorphins’ as one of my daily tasks.

Sleep

I will never wake up early and go to the gym. I’ve said I will every night before bed for the last 10 years. I won’t do it. Going from being delightfully unconscious to moving as fast as I can is not possible for me. I need at least 3 hours to grieve that I am awake.

Gwenny P

I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow, nor do I want to be; I think drinking bone water is disgusting. We live in a time where health has become a job; I think the current trend is even worse than the Victoria's Secret model/diet culture era of the early 2000s.

Now, the silent expectations are to eat healthy, work out, always have a clean home, journal, meditate, wake up at 6, somehow not be tired, and always look put together, all while being productive of course. That’s stressful; those are not endorphins that will make us happy. That is a recipe for burnout. This is what I often see on Pinterest.

Sorry, but that ^ doesn’t sound fun, girl. Reading that exhausted me, feeling better shouldn’t be a long, stressful list that makes you feel worse.

Peloton app

I need to be told what to do at the gym, or I will just sit down and check my email. I began using the Peloton app yesterday. It’s $13 a month, and you can choose workouts ranging from yoga to weights to walking. A fitness person talks in your ear the entire time while playing music. The lady yesterday started with a Hannah Montana song, THE Hannah Montana song. I hesitated to subscribe because I thought “I can just write my own workout plan”, then one of my brain Patrick’s said “bitch no you can’t, let someone else do the thinking on this one.” Now, I get everything I enjoy from workout classes but without the things I don’t, having to leave my home and stretching with strangers.

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday weekend and avoids political conversations at the dinner table.